I think the most damaging lie I learned, not so much from the church but from patriarchal culture, was that persistence in pursuit of a desired woman always overcomes an initial disinclination. I saw it repeated in just about every romance I ever encountered. Love blossoms from annoyance. I was fortunate to unlearn that before I met my wife, but it did not feel like good fortune. It felt like the collapse of my world, surrendering a privilege I thought I had of making my choice and then obtaining the woman I sought by persistence without any consideration that my persistence might be unbearably offensive. When I read _Pride and Prejudice_, I was always Mr. Darcy, never Mr. Collins. Or so I thought until I had met with enough rejection.
Thank you for your honesty! And you are so right - romance novels and Disney movies are full of that rhetoric. There have been a lot of statistics floating around about men coercing intimacy, and it’s pretty shocking. We really have a lot of growing to do as a society.
I think the most damaging lie I learned, not so much from the church but from patriarchal culture, was that persistence in pursuit of a desired woman always overcomes an initial disinclination. I saw it repeated in just about every romance I ever encountered. Love blossoms from annoyance. I was fortunate to unlearn that before I met my wife, but it did not feel like good fortune. It felt like the collapse of my world, surrendering a privilege I thought I had of making my choice and then obtaining the woman I sought by persistence without any consideration that my persistence might be unbearably offensive. When I read _Pride and Prejudice_, I was always Mr. Darcy, never Mr. Collins. Or so I thought until I had met with enough rejection.
Thank you for your honesty! And you are so right - romance novels and Disney movies are full of that rhetoric. There have been a lot of statistics floating around about men coercing intimacy, and it’s pretty shocking. We really have a lot of growing to do as a society.
What an incredible title! (Great essay too)
Thank you! I’ve been trying to improve my titles so I really appreciate that. :)